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9pm thoughts April 19, 2020, into 33 days of Lockdown in the Philippines

You know, love has become more complicated for me as I grow old. I keep telling myself that love will find me and stop looking. I get impatient and try to meet someone online and try to get to know them, but suddenly you’ll feel empty and didn’t want to talk to them anymore then started to ghost them. I’m in no position to hurt anyone, but I’m just trying to save myself to any attachment and commitment with someone I know I have doubts.  I just can’t jump into a relationship with that feeling. Am I just too coward? Coward to face the reality that commitment is also equals to pain and sacrifices? Am I just someone who can’t be loved? Is there really a man for me to love. Do I deserve love? 
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Love more. Trust more. Your wall has been way too high. Let people in. Accept them as who they are and not what you want them to be. Yaan mo muna si Angelo, baka you’ve expected him too much than what he can give. Angelo is a nice guy, he’s just not ready for you. Let go na natin yung sumisibol na feelings mo sa kanya. Hahahahaha Wala eh. Move on na tayo. To Angelo, thank you for being nice to be when ever we see each other.  Kahit di mo makikita to ever lol 😂 Wala naman drama. Gusto ko lang express yung sarili ko through words. I did like you. Seriously liked you at this moment, I wanna see you and hug your big tummy lol 😝 Geh. Bye na. #MovingOn

Dear Ex Boyfriend A

Hi A, I doubt you’ll be able to read this but if you are interested on what are my thoughts here you go. October 11, 2011  [Facebook] I thought we’ll have forever and always I gues, we need to have what  we desire before we become one.  Thank you for loving me, treating me like a princess, sending flowers and chocolates. I loved you too much that it hurts me.  I definitely miss you and good bye. September 16, 2016 [Instagram] And 5 years ago I broke my own heart. 5 years ago I choose to be on my own.  I made all the choices and decisions.  And never a day I regret that decision because after 5 years I'm still looking for myself. I'm still trying to be on my own.  I'm still hoping for happiness. This is not to ask you back to my arms, I just realized that we get to know the value of a person when we already lost them or ourselves. Love,  M

#OOTD: BASIC CULOTTES AND OVERSIZED DENIM JACKET

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Oversized Denim Jacket Culottes Pants Gray Plain Fitted Shirt Basic White Sneakers and a little bit of confidence 💕

NOT MEANT TO BE.

"There's not perfect timing for two people that's not meant for each other." Something I realized last night. We can't force the universe to give us perfect timing when it's not mean to be, cause it will never happen. You'll get disappointed and get hurt. A🚫M #life #QOTD #Quotes #Relationship #WeAreNotMeantToBe #Confessions

Friends with benefits.

I'm not sure how to define this so called "friends with benefits". Ang hirap i-define dahil: Una, gusto Kita. Pangalawa, mahalaga ka sakin. Pangatlo, hindi ko alam Kung saan ba lugar ko Sa buhay mo. Walang sagot sa tanong kung ano ka Sa buhay ko. Basta mahalaga ka, at nasasaktan Ako kapag nahihirapan ka at nasasaktan Ako kapag hindi mo ko napa pansin. Ika nga nila, Wala daw akong karapatan mag demand ng oras and so are you. Tipong patas lang. Ang hirap. Masyado ba akong seryoso Sa buhay? O sadyang kailangan ko ng lugar. Anyways these things doesn't make sense now, I just wish I know when to stop because the more time I know you, I keep on falling deep. Deep that I don't know if I'm drowning or I'm playing it well. Love, M

Team Mae

I've been in the BPO industry for about 3 years and 8 months now and have I ever dreamt or planned to be a leader when I started. Hindi madali ang tinatahak pero fight Lang! Pajama Themed Day! School Themed Day! I'm seriously thankful that they allow me to be myself. Hindi ko kailangan magbago ng ugali at pakikitungo sa kanila. I wish I could keep the team longer. Love, TL Mae 💞