9pm thoughts April 19, 2020, into 33 days of Lockdown in the Philippines



You know, love has become more complicated for me as I grow old. I keep telling myself that love will find me and stop looking. I get impatient and try to meet someone online and try to get to know them, but suddenly you’ll feel empty and didn’t want to talk to them anymore then started to ghost them.

I’m in no position to hurt anyone, but I’m just trying to save myself to any attachment and commitment with someone I know I have doubts. 

I just can’t jump into a relationship with that feeling.

Am I just too coward? Coward to face the reality that commitment is also equals to pain and sacrifices? Am I just someone who can’t be loved? Is there really a man for me to love. Do I deserve love? 

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